I will remember you, will you remember me?

I whispered, “Happy Birthday, Auntie Jul” upon waking up. It is Monday evening in PI had she been alive today, they were probably at the beach celebrating her birthday. She passed away 3 months ago. I honestly don’t know the exact date because up to now, a part of me is still in denial of her death. I stopped believing the crap that “God” has a good reason for taking away my love ones from me, when my dad died when I was seven. What could that reason possibly be???

Auntie Jul was more than an aunt to me. She was my mother, my sister, my friend, my coach, my teacher, my guide, my fan. She took care of me and my siblings until we had to leave for the US. She taught me a lot of things. I learned to write in cursive style at the age of 4 because of her. She also taught me how to read and how to tell time.

She was the one who encouraged me to move here with my mom & two siblings. She said “Narigat iti ma-biag ken matay ditoy Pilipinas” (It’s hard to live and die here in the Philippines). I was young then, it was not unlikely that I’d come up with stupid decisions. But she was there, she was my mind. I am happy that I listened to her. The only regret I have is that I wasn’t able to spend more time with her before she passed away.

Things I’ll never forget about Auntie Jul

• She used to call me “Chucky.” When she says my name, she often exaggerates the last syllable such that her lips form a smile. The dimples on her chin would always add a sparkle to her already glittery smile.


• Though money wasn’t always readily available, she bought me a P500 snoopy watch when I was six.


• When I was little, I used to call her “manang July” because I thought she was my sister.


• Up until I was 6, she still rocked me in her arms to sleep


• She used to sew clothes for me.


• We used to share the same room when I was a kid.


• I remember causing the penny-sized keloid on her thigh.


• I remember puking on her on my first trip to Baguio.


• During my high school graduation, when she heard our class prophecy, she thought it was hilarious if I’d really end up marrying Carlo Rey (peace Bonong!). She thought Bonong’s gay.


• She lined up for me at the Registrar’s office in UP because I was too shy to line up myself.


• She used to buy me a 5-month stash (a sem’s worth) of groceries & other supplies because she knows I hate going to the grocery store.


• She was very athletic – she loved to play bowling, lawn tennis, and volleyball. At some point I even thought she was tibo.


• She was very good with words - she loved working on crossword puzzles and playing scrabble.


• She went through a stage when her clothes were of one color. The longest one was her “white period.” One would think she was obsessive-compulsive.


• She used to love the song, “I Will Be Here”


• We used to argue about creationism & evolutionism.

I miss you so much Auntie Jul, wherever you are, you know that I love you.