Denizen Dilemma

I am currently signing the USCIS N-400 application form for naturalization. I had been contemplating on whether I should do this or not since Oct 2005 when I established my eligibility to become a naturalized US citizen.

Is what I'm giving up, worth what I'll be getting? Does becoming a US citizen mean I'm abandoning the country of my birth? But had I not done that when I moved here with my family?

I don't know.

I feel guilty as I scribble my signature on the last page of the form. I envision Lapu-Lapu, Jose Rizal, Tandang Sora, and Carlos P. Romulo cringing at every stroke of my pen.

It gives me goosebumps thinking about Dr. Romulo's "I am a Filipino" essay, I recited when I was a highschool sophomore. I still remember some lines. Lines, I know will haunt me forever as I enclose my application fee and lick the envelope close.

I am a Filipino. In my blood runs the immortal seed of heroes - seed that flowered down the centuries in deeds of courage and defiance. In my veins yet pulses the same hot blood that sent Lapu-lapu to battle against the alien foe, that drove Diego Silang and Dagohoy into rebellion against the foreign oppressor [...]

At the vanguard of progress in this part of the world I stand - a forlorn figure in the eyes of some, but not one defeated and lost. For through the thick, interlacing branches of habit and custom above me I have seen the light of the sun, and I know that it is good. I have seen the light of justice and equality and freedom and my heart has been lifted by the vision of democracy, and I shall not rest until my land and my people shall have been blessed by these, beyond the power of any man or nation to subvert or destroy."

I am unpatriotic, an ungrateful assimilationist.

I bow my head in deep ignominy.